Gwen's Sententia

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The Bendaroo Lesson

2009-12-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

I have a rule in my house that "if you see it on TV, you can't buy it." I'm strict with this rule. When they were little (pre-allowance), this rule made it quite easy to get them to shut up when asking for stuff in the toy row of stores, which was mostly why I had that rule. It's easier to have a policy than it is to make individual decisions. They start asking for something and my brain automatically says "You can't get that. You saw it on TV." There's no thought involved. It's nice and easy for me.

For the most part, the kids stopped asking for things they saw on TV years ago. Every once in a while they'll go "Mom, see this. Isn't it cool?" I'll say "Yes, it looks cool. Too bad we saw it on TV."

Santa Claus, alas, fails to follow this rule. Anna asked Santa for Bendaroos this year. Santa brought them.

Her cousin saw her open the gift and said, "too bad they don't work."

Anna was still excited, and she played with them.

Tonight at dinner she told me about the Bendaroos. The TV says they will stick to glass. Anna informed me they don't. The TV says they will stick to each other. Anna informed me they don't.

I asked her what she thought about this and she said that not everything on TV is true.

I asked the kids if we could refer to this as the "Bendaroo Lesson" in the future, and both kids looked at me and did not respond.

The third grade report

2009-11-21T21:23:00.000-08:00

I wrote my first report in the third grade. My research on honeybees led me to the card catalog at the library, and I read several books on honeybees, encyclopedia entries, and I might have even tracked down a periodical. My paper took up about twenty pages of double-lined, giant kid handwriting. My dad red marked the paper, and I rewrote it. Dad didn't trust me with the electric Smith & Corona in the garage, so I had to write it out by hand. I think I wrote that paper twenty times before it passed dad's inspection.

My daughter is now in the third grade and she's started her first report. She chose to learn about anteaters. I told her about my experience writing my first report in the third grade, and she immediately asked if she could use the computer to write it. "Of course," I told her.

She learned of this report when we were at the library. I told her to find a book on anteaters, and she went to the computer, typed in anteaters, wrote down the Dewey Decimal number, and located the physical book. As a kid, I never did figure out the card catalog, so I had the librarian help me.

She asked the librarian if the library had more information on anteaters since they only had one book. The librarian pulled up online encyclopedias complete with videos. Anna developed a list of questions she couldn't find answers too. So, we went down to the Denver Zoo and talked to the curator of the primate exhibit, which also houses the anteaters. Then she watched anteater videos on Animal Planet.

So far, her report is taking just as long as mine did to create. I suspect she'll have a better end product than I did. She has learned a bunch about these bizarre animals. When at the zoo she told me, "See mommy how they walk on their knuckles? That's to protect their claws so they can tear up termite mounds."

Remembering Valor: How to train humans to let you eat table muffins

2009-10-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

Quinn had an appointment with his talking doctor (speech therapist) today. These appointments are in the doc's house, and her two-year-old Golden Retriever, Madison, entertains us while Quinn is with the doc. Madison is a good girl, but the doc is working on some of her behaviors to help her be even better.

While Quinn was with the doctor today, Madison took it upon herself to grab her brother's shoe and chew it. I told her "uh uh," and called her over to me. Madison takes some queues very well. She understands "uh uh." She understands it when I turn my head to "ignore" her. She understands "down," and she gets that she's supposed to calm down with calming strokes. The shoe was saved.

When Quinn and the doc came back, Madison went back to the shoe. "Mom's here, maybe I can chew the shoe now," she seemed to think. The doc took the shoe away. I told the doc about what Madison and I did while she was working with Quinn.

The doc asked a few questions and I told her about some of the stuff the Guide Dog leaders drilled into me when I was raising Guide Dog puppies. I explained the importance of not repeating yourself, reserving "come" for emergencies, how to train "come," and other dog stuff.

Then the doc asked the really tough question. "How do you train the dog to not steal off the counter?" I laughed a little and explained to her that I never successfully taught that skill to Valor. I told her how the Guide Dog people train dogs to not steal off of the counter. Then I told her a Valor story.

Valor was a super smart dog. Valor knew he was not supposed to take food off of the table. But, being a dog, he didn't understand forensic evidence and some basic "who dunnit" logic.

If I left food on the kitchen table and left the house, Valor would eat it. This was a fact with 100% certainty.

Leon and I decided to observe this, so he set up the video recorder and aimed it at the table. He set a fresh, blueberry muffin on the table, and we all got in the car and left.

Leon played the recording back when we came home. This is what was on the recorder:

The sound of the garage door opening.
The sound of the garage door closing.
One minute of nothing.
Valor putting his front paws on the table and grasping the muffin in his jaw.

What a smart dog he was to wait that extra minute to make sure we were really gone.

I gave up on training Valor not to steal food off the table. I decided that since there was a 100% correspondence to food being left out and Valor stealing it that it was my job to not leave muffins out. If I left food out, I blamed myself and not Valor.

Besides being really smart, Valor was an excellent human trainer.

I bought a new toy

2009-09-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

We have ferrets. I love the little weasels and have adapted to their odor. I learned what to clean and how often to clean to minimize the, uh, stench in the house.

All was going well until we took in two foster ferrets who we ended up adopting. Sonya is a blind, geriatric ferret with insuloma and adrenal disease. She screams when other ferrets come near her, and if they express their dominance she looses control of some important body functions.

Old Moe is a sweetheart who reminds us of the wise, good puppets in the Dark Crystal. He goes out of his way to use one of the designated boxes. Alas, poor Moe had a cancer tumor and it had to be removed. Along with his tumor went his penis bone. Poor fellow has poor control over his liquid output, but seems happier overall.

Needless to say, I have to clean the floors a lot.

This is where my new toy comes in.

I got a mop that makes steam. You fill it with water, attach a mop pad, and wait 30 seconds. Then I give it a few pumps and the steam rises. Steam is released as you push the mop back and forth. Since boiling water is involved, you forgo the soap. The mop pads are washable and not disposable (a biggie for me). I'm okay with the electric thing because I have solar panels.

This is a cool toy. There's something pleasurable about seeing steam when you're cleaning. The only way it could be better is if fire were involved.

Fire. Hehe Hehe.

My kids' languages

2009-09-05T23:13:00.000-07:00

My youngest sister is a self-help junkie and reads many books. Fortunately, she's good at filtering the books out and only recommends about one in ten. Because she only recommends relevant books that pass her quality meter, and she has pretty good filters, I generally read what she recommends. Mindless Eating was funny and had some good pointers in it. Most of Love and Logic was good. I didn't agree with the whole book, but there were some funny stories and food for thought. Her latest recommendation was The Five Love Languages of Children.

Chapman, the fellow that wrote The Five Love Languages of Children, wrote several variations of the book. He started with one for couples and then adapted it for different relationships. His basic premise is that people understand love differently, and if you speak to someone in a love language they understand, you'll get a lot more bang for your buck than if you speak in a language they don't understand. The five languages he talks about are physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts.

So, if your kid's prime language is physical touch but you don't hug them that often and instead tell them that you love them, the kid will know you love them, but won't feel that you love them as much as if you hugged the kid more.

As I read the book, I naturally put my family members in their categories. Leon, my husband, is totally a words of affirmation guy. A sincere, well-placed compliment goes a long way with him. Anna, my daughter, is a quality-time girl, and my son, Quinn, is a person who thrives on physical touch. Me? Don't bother telling me. It's acts of service that work for me.

I pigeon holed my family members, but what should a person do with this information? Well, I thought it would be a good Sunday afternoon lunch-time talk. So, I made lunch, and we talked.

I told Leon how I read the book and the basic premise. The kids heard and started to ask questions. We had a go-around talking about it. Quinn said "so I can tell Daddy I love him, and then he'll know I love him, but for mommy I should do chores?" I told him, "Yes sweetie. Not exactly chores, but you know how I was in the shower and you walked in and saw that I forgot a towel and you brought me one? That sure told me that you loved me." Anna got in on it too and she hugged her brother and told Daddy that she loved him.

It was a good family discussion, but the best part happened over the rest of the day. The kids seemed to internalize the discussion and you could see them trying to act on it, and the effect lasted for about a week.

Maybe we need a review.

The ebb and flow of competence

2008-07-01T19:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel super competent, like I can do anything I put my mind to. Every time I solve some crazy computer problem that was really hard and wracked my brain for days, I get a surge of competence feelings.

Sometimes I feel completely incompetent. Yesterday, for instance, I went swimming with the kids. I carefully applied sunscreen to the progeny, but haphazardly applied it to myself. Needless to say, I turned lobster red and experienced great sunburn pain.

I need another computer puzzle. I want to be competent.

New Writing Gig

2008-06-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

I am a member of IVAA, the International Virtual Assistant Association. I don't actually consider myself a virtual assistant anymore, since I'm not the best at making travel plans, answering phones, and keeping a calendar for someone else. I'm more of a virtual professional in that I fix things for people, like their websites or documents that don't work correctly. If interested, my web page for work is ShinyNewts.

IVAA puts out a monthly newsletter called the IVAA Cast. I wrote a test article for the editor and submitted it. She seemed to like it, and this is the first month I submitted a real article. This month's theme is "generating passive income." Here's my first article.

What’s your product?

A classic way to generate passive income is to sell a product. Do you have a product and don’t even know it? As you read these examples, think about your own life. Have you done anything similar or equitable?

So, what’s your product? Let’s find out.

Have you made something that you give to clients, friends, and family over and over?

This might be anything from a computer procedure to a recipe. My sister glues fake flowers on hair clips in artistic ways and gave away a ton of them. She makes them as a hobby, but she now sells them at SnazzyClips.com.

Has something in your house broken and you fixed it with a unique design?

My brother-in-law has a dishwasher that breaks a lot. The wheels on the top rack break, frequently, and instead of fixing those tiny wheels, the fix is to replace an entire rack in the washer. My brother-in-law got tired of this waste and made replacement hubs so people can fix the wheels, permanently, instead of buying new racks. He sells these at MaytagWheelHubs.com.

Have you ever invented a little, tiny thing?

I don’t know Jeanette and Bob Williams, but I love their product. Bob, a retired college professor, got tired of dog-earing pages and highlighting passages in books. He didn’t want to ruin his books. Bob and Jeanette invented book darts. These treasures are tiny pieces of metal folded over to make tight clips. One end of the dart is pointed, and can be used to mark lines in a book or a page. Bob and Jeanette initially made these in their basement and sold them at BookDarts.com.

Have you written a book, part of a book, or pieces of a book?

I love to research topics. I get all excited about something and read every book I can find on it, watch every movie or documentary, and visit in person the object of my attention if possible. To organize my thoughts, I write. That writing usually turns out to be a full-fledge unit study or book. These can be sold.

Have you made anything that you use regularly to make your job easier?

Do you have a tool that you created and you use that most people in your field don’t have? This might be a checklist, a notebook, a chart, a procedure, an Office template, an audio, or a picture. Have you made a special Access database that you could convert into a template and sell?

Pretty it up

Have you found your product? If so, it’s just a matter of “packaging” the product to make it sellable.

What do you need to do to package your product? The packaging depends on what your product is.

Is your product writing?

Before I can sell my “books” or unit studies, I have to pretty them up. I make a cover page, format the document consistently, have someone proofread it, make sure all the images are legal by buying them or drawing my own, and make a new pdf. IVAA has some excellent proofreaders and cover page designers if you need help with that.

Is your product computer “soft” ware

If it’s a template or a piece of software, you’ll need a website page, a photo, a description, and some testimonials. Don’t let the testimonials stop you; they’re easy to get. Someone probably told you they liked your product and that’s why you’re selling it. Who was that person? Hit them up for a testimonial.

Can you hold your product in your hands?

If your product is physical, you need to polish its appearance and find a nice way to package and mail it. My snazzy clip sister had embroidered labels made to cover the glue that fastens the flower to the hair clip. A quick search on Google and help you find any boxes or packaging you might need.

You have a product, you’ve packaged it, and now you need to sell it

How are you going to sell your product?

If your product is a book, decide whether or not you want it to be strictly an e-book, or if you want it printed. If you want it printed, you can set this up with lulu.com for no out-of-pocket money, and they’ll sell it on their site for you too. Additionally, you can get an ISBN number from them and sell it on Amazon.

Well, for all types of products, books and non-books alike, you can sell them on your website. If you already have a shopping cart, you can incorporate it into that. If not, you can set it up to sell it on PayPal easily.

The basic procedure for selling a product on PayPal is to:

Register for a PayPal account, attach a bank account to it, and confirm the bank account
Create a web page that features your product on your website
Create a thank-you web page that gives instructions for obtaining the product
Login to PayPal and go to the Merchant Services tab
Click on the link for “Buy Now Button.” Fill out the form and hit the “Create Button Now” button.
Copy the HTML code that PayPal generates into your website.

Once you have identified your product, packaged it, and done the set up for the product to be sold, you’re well on your way to generating passive income. Let me know how it goes.

Karate Quinn

2008-04-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

The kids asked for a family show tonight. What does that mean? They wanted to be in the same room with us and cuddle under blankets.

The kids understand that we won't cuddle under blankets with them to watch Scooby Doo. We'll cope with Scooby in the background, but we won't actually watch it. They've figured out that we'll actually watch Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter, and various flicks like The Last Mimzy, ET, or the Bridge to Terabithia.

Leon had been waiting for the next "we want a family show" request, however. He bought The Karate Kid. We thought that the progeny should be old enough to understand it. Four-year-old Quinn liked the first half, and then he got bored. Seven-year-old Anna seemed to like the whole movie. We're not sure if she liked Leon and I commenting through it, though.

Anna: Isn't that cool? He got a car.
Leon: It's more cool how he did all that work.
Gwen: Yeah, he wanted to learn something and he practiced
and practiced and worked really hard.
Leon: Yeah, that's cool how he worked really hard to learn karate.

Overall, I think the kids' favorite part was the handkerchief that came with the DVD. Quinn called it a magic head bandanna and managed to go to other parts of the house, alone, at night.

Both kids got something from the movie. I'm not sure it's exactly what we intended, but I'll take it.

Thoughtful Gifts, 2

2008-04-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

My husband does an excellent job of picking out presents. I finally picked one just as well as he did.

We recently celebrated my daughter's 7th birthday. Anna wanted a ferret themed party, and she was pretty strong in her weasel-themed decision. She told me she wanted me to make her a ferret coloring book, so I did. I printed the coloring book out and inserted one copy in each of the loot bags. She wanted a ferret stuffed toy. I found some relatively cheap plush ferrets and stuck one of those in each of the loot bags. In the weeks before the party, Anna expressed great interest in those stuffed ferrets and she kept telling me how she "needed" her stuffed ferret and how she was going to play with it.

Well, the day of the birthday came and this included the great present opening. I spent $7 on Anna's birthday present, a stuffed ferret. The birthday ferret was of a bit better quality than the loot bag ferrets. She smiled and giggled and showed the ferret each of the other presents she opened.

Whew!

An Oddly Themed Birthday

2008-02-26T23:46:00.001-08:00

My daughter is turning seven at the end of March. She told me she wanted a ferret birthday.

She's had a dolphin birthday (5), a blue whale party (6), a butterfly party (4), a Thomas the Tank Engine party (3), a non-themed party (2), and an Easter themed party (1). The Thomas, butterfly, and dolphin parties were the easiest. It is very easy to find birthday paraphernalia like plates, cups, suckers, loot bag gifts, and party decorations for dolphins, butterflies, and Thomas. The blue whale party was a little more difficult. I had to attempt to draw on a cake. Luckily there was an artist at the party who fixed my blue whale and then drew blue whales on all the plastic cups. (Thank you Kent!)

This year's party will prove to be the hardest. For the dolphin, butterfly, and blue whale parties, I was able to go to Oriental Trading Company and buy a dozen stuffed toys for about a dollar each. They don't carry ferrets. Luckily, Dr. Fosters & Smith, an online pet store, carries stuffed ferrets as play toys for ferrets. I ordered a dozen. They were more than a dollar and I have yet to see what they look like.

My daughter asked for a ferret coloring book. Actually, she's been asking for that for a while. A search on "ferret coloring book" in google did not yield positive results. So, I made one for her. (Click on the picture to get the ferret coloring book.) She wants copies of the ferret coloring book in the loot bags for the kids.

She's agreed to let me take a photo of Simon (a ferret) to the bakery and let them print his picture on the frosting of her cake, so I won't have to try a ferret on a cake or make a ferret-shaped cake. (Whew!)

Anyway, if your kid wants a ferret coloring book, have at it.

The Nicodemus Field Guide

2008-02-22T19:55:00.000-08:00

Around October or November 2007, we listened to the Spiderwick Chronicles. That is, I had purchased the audio CDs. At night, before we put the kids to bed, we'd turn off the lights, light candles, and listen to the "radio like Grandma and Grandpa did because they didn't have television." This is a nice family bonding experience, and the story was good to boot.

Naturally, when the movie came out, we saw it. We usually go to a museum of some sort once a week, but this week we ditched the museum and saw the Spiderwick Chronicles. While my kids thoroughly enjoyed it and haven't had any nightmares, I wouldn't recommend it for most little kids. At seven, Anna knows the difference between fact and fantasy. Quinn, who is four, also knows the difference, but it was still a bit much. I don't think I would have taken him if he hadn't heard the stories.

Anyway, the kids loved the show.

The movie shows Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide to the Fantastical, and the idea immediately jumped into my head. I decided we'd make the Nicodemus Field Guide to the Fantastical. I didn't tell the kids straight away though. I bought some scrapbook paper and a brown scrapbook cover.

I had the kids sit down on the couch today and I told them, "It's come to my attention that there might be fantastical creatures in and around our house." Anna (7) got a smile on her face. Quinn (4) said, "Mommy, they're fake." I whispered to Quinn, "We're playing a fun game Quinn. We're pretending that we can see fantastical creatures." Quinn immediately got with the game.

I handed the kids card stock that I cut into quarters and asked them to draw pictures of some of the fantastical creatures they saw. They went around the backyard looking for critters, drew pictures, and told me elaborate stories about the critters they discovered. Anna got to pet a baby Dragusfair. Quinn saw Quaw eggs hatch.

This project is probably going to last a few months, and I think I'll be able to milk a lot of hidden schooling out of it. They have to draw (art), explain how their critters live (biology), and document and describe what they "see" (language arts).

I am so far impressed with their imagination and think this project is a hit.

My Birthday

2008-02-22T19:37:00.000-08:00

Birthdays are a big deal for me. I am frugal at Christmas and the kids open a total of two or three presents. I don't want Christmas to be about presents. I want Christmas to be about nice smells and family traditions. I make up for this at birthdays, however.

Birthdays are a special day. It's your day. So, when my kids' birthdays roll around, or the dog, cat, ferrets, and spouse, that person gets treated to a special day. The kids don't have to do chores on their birthdays. I throw them parties, make crazy cool loot bags, decorate like crazy, and take a lot of pictures. The birthday person gets to pick what's for dinner and gets to pick the nighttime stories. I start prepping for the kids' birthdays about three months in advance.

I expect my family to remember my birthday and treat me to a special day. A few days before my birthday Leon told me he had choir practice. I told him that he better bring me flowers then. He asked if I meant literal or figurative flowers. I told him literal.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I received literal and figurative flowers. My kids woke me up with gleeful "Happy Birthdays." While the kids did fight with each other all day, they made a point of being extra nice to me. They helped me clean without fighting. My husband came home with colorful flowers and he put them in a vase for me. He emptied the dishwasher and filled it again. He baked a cake for me. Even better, he let me take a book upstairs and hide. I had a two-hour bath and a nice read.

I think the birthday bath is going to become a tradition. It was nice.

After two hours, the kids couldn't take it anymore and the kids and Leon sang "Happy Birthday" outside the door. They wanted me to get out of the tub so they could have birthday cake.

While my literal flowers are beautiful, I think I'll remember the figurative ones longer.

And for those of you curious, I turned 0x25. (That's 37 for the non-nerds.)

SSSSssss

2008-01-28T00:08:00.000-08:00

I’ve always had a snake phobia. I grew up in the desert (the Mojave Desert in California) and I had to watch out for snakes when I’d walk my dogs. I’d read articles on the Mojave greens (rattlesnakes common in the area) and how deadly they were, and that perpetuated my fear. It didn’t help that whenever I encountered a snake as a kid, the snake and I were both surprised. They’re long. They’re reptiles. They don’t have legs. That’s just…just wrong.

For quite a while, my phobia got worse. I once went to a Halloween party and saw a guy with a little bitty snake on his arm. It was part of his costume, but I ran from the party the instant I saw the snake. I was totally irrational about it. I mean, the guy wasn’t a kid. He wasn’t going to stick a snake in my face when he knew I was afraid of it. Phobia.

Snakes seem to show up in the strangest places. About ten years ago, I lived in a basement apartment for six months whilst my house was being built. Walking down the steps, I saw a snake. I did what any normal snake-phobe would do and screamed. My Labrador puppy didn't scream. He decided to introduce himself to the snake, and that introduction cost $75.00. Apparently the snake wasn't ecstatic to meet the exuberant puppy and bit him. Valor was allergic to whatever snake it was, and his cheeks quadrupled. After sufficient screaming a neighbor came over with a shovel and carefully removed the reptile to a non-trail area. I was freaked and I failed to protect my buddy.

I did manage to protect my buddies on our next snake encounter. I went hiking with my dogs, a Great Dane and a Labrador. My buds were off leash. They pretty much stayed in sight and more or less came when called, so I didn’t worry too much about them not being right at my side. That is, I didn’t worry until I heard the Great Dane barking. She found a rattler. She “cornered” it and wouldn't stop barking. The rattler kept rattling. I called the dogs to me, and my Labrador came. The Great Dane wasn’t about to come because she was busy barking. I leashed the Labrador and asked another hiker to hold him and skirted around behind the Great Dane. I managed to grab her, leash her, and move her away without the snake striking. (It's too bad our skunk encounter wasn't successfully avoided.)

For the most part my snake phobia isn’t a big deal. I’m a city girl, after all. However, if I wanted to hike or attend parties, I needed to get a slightly better grip on myself.

A few Discovery channel snake shows helped. A few trips to the zoo helped me a bit. Knowledge is power. Knowledge helps put phobias in perspective, right? Besides, the zoo has glass cages. I could be in a room with snakes in glass cages without running away immediately, and that was progress.

My next encounter was, fortunately for me, with a dead snake. My husband and I were traveling from my grandparents house to ours. I was seven months pregnant, and well, let’s just say I made my husband find a side road and pull over. I opened the door. I’m glad I looked down because there was a coiled rattler right now. I freaked a bit, but realized that the coiled snake was actually dead. I don’t know how that happened, but I’m glad I didn’t step on it anyway.

Whilst still pregnant, I took my little daughter on a mini hike around a lake. Toward the end of the trail, two-year-old Anna pointed and said “Snake, mommy!” Yes, sure enough, there was a snake. I couldn’t tell if it was a bull, gopher, garter, or rattlesnake. (Actually, I thought bull, gopher, and garter were different names for the same kind of snake.) The snake wanted to cross the trail. Despite the big rat-sized lump in the snake, I picked up the toddler and waddled my seven-month-pregnant body in reverse.

I had more snake encounters today. Fortunately, these snakes were in glass cages. Also fortunate for me, the volunteer at the Morrison Natural History Museum was not afraid of snakes, was sympathetic toward me, and spent a ridiculous amount of time answering my inane questions.

The first thing I learned is that the gopher snake, garter snake, and bull snake are three different types of snakes. They do have some things in common, though. They all survived the ice age (and were thus housed in the “survived the ice age section of the museum”) and they are all non-poisonous. A milk snake was also in the ice age section.

I think I can now remember “If red’s next to black, you’re okay Jack. If red’s next to white or yellow, yer a dead fellow.” I might even remember it if I actually encountered a milk or coral snake. That was the first time the rhyme stuck in my head, even though I had heard it before.

The volunteer spent a lot of time telling me about the bull snake and the rattle snake. There were two bull snakes in the museum. She said the bull snakes have round pupils. Sure enough, I saw round eyes. She said the rattlers have vertical slits, but if you can see vertical slits you’re way too close. She said the rattlers have white on the outside of their brown spots and the bull snakes don’t. The rattlers have the “pits” on their heads and have boxier heads. I’m thinking that if I can tell the snake has pits or has boxy head that I’m too close. The white rings or not might be a method for me to distinguish bulls and rattlers at a distance. But, who am I kidding? I don’t want to differentiate the critters if I can avoid it.

The museum had two gopher snakes too. They have skinnier heads than the bull snakes. The male snake was dull and had glazed over eyes. The volunteer said he was shedding and couldn’t see until finished. She said that the male gopher snake had been in captivity for 40 years. They don’t know how old the gopher snake was when it was captured, but wow, I didn’t think snakes could live that long. Apparently, they aren’t hurt from not having their winter hibernation (due to the artificial lighting, warmth, and winter feedings provided by the museum) because they are still living lengthy lives.

Well, I feel more educated regarding snakes. I think I can keep myself from screaming, and protect my buddies and progeny next time I encounter a non-caged slither-er. This is good.

After we got home, Anna asked Leon why milk snakes were called milk snakes. “I don’t know,” said Leon. “Will you google it, Daddy?” As it turns out, there are legends of milk snakes milking cows. Now, that’s a disturbing image and I’m really glad my kids eat solid food.

My family visits

2008-01-07T00:06:00.000-08:00

My parents are on a long road trip visiting family. They just left my house after a three day visit. (Dad always pounded it into our heads that guests and fish smell after three days, so his visits are limited to three days.)

I arranged a play date for my mom. I called my Great Aunt Myrtle on the phone and asked if she wanted to come up for a visit. Myrtle, in turn, tracked down Becky (another great aunt of mine), her daughter Bea (my mom’s cousin), and Millie (another great aunt). Bea is probably less than 60 years old, and Millie is the oldest at 90. All of these ladies are in good health and have all their cognitive functions in tact. The visit was a hoot. Those four ol‘ gals are full of animated, funny stories. My dad spins a good yarn and he had a captive audience too. My three aunts, cousin, dad, and my two kids laughed and giggled, took pictures, and had fun. Everyone seemed to like our ferrets too. (It’s a good thing the sniffer works less well as you age, because no one complained about odor of weasel.)

Aunt Myrtle showed me a picture taken of my grandma (her sister) and her when Myrtle was about 16. My grandma sure was beautiful. The picture was tiny, about 1.5 inches square. I scanned it in at 9600 dpi and got a giant picture out of it. Myrtle specifically said “I’d like to see what this picture looks like bigger. You can do that, right Gwen?” I’m going to mail her an 8×10.

Everyone had fun, except my mom. This was a bummer because our relatives came to see her, and she was a no-fun lump of clay. She kept complaining about being cold and passed in and out of consciousness. Aunt Myrtle made an effort to pull mom into the world of the living for a while, and she did get a few sentences out of her. Mom fell asleep after each question and answer posed by Aunt Myrtle.

After nine blankets and a heater directed at her, Dad called my youngest sister, Sara. Sara’s a pharmacist and she seems to know things we don’t. Sara asked us right away, “What’s her temperature?” Dad and I felt like morons and decided a trip to ER would be a good thing when the thermometer bleeped 103F.

“Why would you go to ER for a fever?” you might be thinking. Well, my mom is a medical marvel. She’s had three strokes in the last two years, quite a few near misses, a boatload of surgeries, and several nasty infections. We had enough history with mom to think this wasn’t just a case of food poisoning.

My parents are used to hospitals and ERs in Los Angeles County. Those tend to be crowded and cater to an entirely different demographics than the hospital by my house. We went at midnight. There was no wait. Toward the end of the visit dad had to ask the nurse, “What about insurance information, the copay, and the like?” Everyone listened and helped.

My dad is an organized fellow, and he handed the triage nurse a list of surgeries and dates. He also handed them a list of all of mom’s medicines and dosing schedule. The doctor took the hint and didn’t just say “wait it out.” He ordered a chest X-ray, to rule out the possibility of pneumonia. He had a bunch of blood taken for various tests, and a urine sample.

Mom had a bladder infection that had spread into her kidneys. She’s one of those rare people that doesn’t feel it when she has a bladder infection. Mom was dosed with powerful drugs and hydrated with an IV. Dad and I were very happy that this was “just” a bladder infection.

The next day mom was warm, talkative, and in a good mood.

My parents just left. It was a good visit. My kids now refer to my dad as “the fun grandpa.”

Busy kids

2008-01-01T00:07:00.000-08:00

Anna loves her yoga class and her pottery class. Quinn argues about going to preschool sometimes, but he usually smiles when he walks out of the classroom. Both kids love their computer class and their robot class. They ask for more swimming classes, and Anna looks forward to her singing/piano lessons.

I like that the kids can take these enrichment classes. There sure wouldn’t be time for those classes, however, if they were in a brick-and-mortar school.

I like homeschooling.

Post holiday glee

2007-12-29T00:06:00.000-08:00

My sister sent me a postcard that had a picture of a snowman with his head not attached. The card referred to the post holiday meltdown. It was funny, but I don’t get post-Christmas blues. For that matter, I don’t get pre-Christmas blues either.

Why?

I still like Christmas. I still like filling the house with baking smells, making Christmas dinner, and tracking Santa via NORAD.

However, I’m pretty cheap at Christmas time. I remember growing up with a mother that went nuts at Christmas time. She’d spend so much money, Dad would talk about hoping he could pay it off before the next Christmas. As a puppy, I didn’t even think it was fun getting all those presents because something seemed wrong.

So, I made a decision and talked my husband into it. We get the kids a couple of presents, Santa fills their stockings, and Santa gives them a gift to share. With the notable exception of Christmas food, Christmas costs about $200. (Okay, Leon and I get ourselves a present, but Christmas is just the excuse, not the reason. I mean, doesn’t every family need a 1.5T NAS?)

So far the kids haven’t squawked the “lack” of Christmas presents, and I don’t get mopey.

Now Birthdays… Birthdays are another story all together.

Scifi Cons

2007-12-27T00:05:00.000-08:00

When our kids were babies, we were very careful to keep violent television and movies from them. Star Wars had lots of fight scenes in it, for instance, so they didn’t watch it. Harry Potter was pretty violent too. So, the kids pretty much stuck with Disney Playhouse. When little, the kids didn’t know what science fiction was.

Leon and I occasionally go to science fiction conventions. I admire the costuming and Leon admires the makeup (prosthetics and the like). We like to wonder around for a day or so, look at stuff that we can’t easily obtain elsewhere, and then go back to our normal lives.

About a year ago we decided to brave it and take the kids to StarCon. I think Anna was five and Quinn was three, or maybe they were four and two. Anyway, we left the con mortified. Anna had loudly proclaimed that she was bored. Quinn displayed fear of Darth Vader. We grabbed the kids and left the con with our tails between our legs.

At the car, Leon and I made a decision. We decided to not protect them quite as much and started introducing them to science fiction. Their first sci fi movie, I think, was The Cat From Outer Space. After that we let them watch E.T. Eventually we got brave enough and let them watch Star Wars and Harry Potter.

We haven’t seen any negative behaviors from the kids since then. We haven’t been to a science fiction convention since then either.

Wrest the last charge

2007-11-30T00:05:00.000-08:00

You know how two people can get together and start talking and other people don’t understand? Sometimes, when my husband gets together with my two sisters, they start speaking in some foreign language. It’s related to Saturday Night Live. I never watched the show. Apparently my sisters and my husband grew up with the show. They’ll say obscure things and break out into strange songs at the oddest times. And, I don’t think I’ll ever prepare broccoli in front of the three of them again. They’ll just get a can of corn instead.

Well, I missed out on the Saturday Night Live lingo, but my husband and I share some lingo that my sisters’ don’t know about. Both my husband and I played a lot of ASCII based games in high school and college. I played a lot of rogue, and he played a lot of Nethack. Conquer was another favorite of mine, and as silly as it was, I really liked worm. We still play games; although, our favorites are different. (We do play with each other, though.) My favorite is Settlers of Catan. Leon’s favorite is Kingdom of Loathing. When it comes to board games, we actually indoctrinated both sisters and their spouses into Ticket To Ride. Leon and I understand each other’s game vernacular.

Game vernacular sometimes invades everyday life. I mean, how often do you get meat and money confused? (Meat is the currency in Kingdom of Loathing.)

In NetHack, originally an ASCII-based Unix game, you battle monsters. You can pick up wands. You can use each wand a specific amount of times. Sometimes, you might get lucky and get an extra use out of a wand, and this is called “wresting the last charge.”

I was very amused the first time I saw my husband squeezing the toothpaste tube to get more toothpaste out. I had opened a new tube three days earlier, thinking the first one was way past empty. Leon managed to keep squeezing more toothpaste out of the tube, and to this day I have no idea how he manages that. Leon told me he was wresting the last charge from the toothpaste.

Wresting charges makes good sense, both environmentally and financially. Here are some other ways to wrest charges. What additional items do you have for me?

Laundry Soap/Color Bleach: After I’ve drained the container, I add a couple of capfuls of water and shake really hard. I can usually get one or two more loads.
Toothpaste: I still don’t know. I open the new one and Leon prides himself on how long he can go before using the new tube.
Lotion: When one bottle is “empty,” we take the top off of it and another lotion bottle. The “empty” one is then turned upside down and placed carefully on top of the non-empty lotion bottle. They stay like this overnight while gravity saves us money.
Fabric: I save even small scraps of fleece, because fleece doesn’t unravel. You’ll never know when you need a few square inches of orange fleece. I just used my scrap fleece last night as “ornaments” on my Christmas tree Advent calendar.

Tunnels and weasels

2007-10-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

We have ferrets now, and we refer to them as the “stinky weasels.” The name just stuck.

The whole family likes the ferrets. My husband, Leon, still gets a goofy look on his face when he plays with the ferrets. He laughed for a spell when I lost my wallet and he found it in the ferrets’ stash. He doesn’t seem to mind that they are de-stuffing our leather couch, and he doesn’t seem to notice the weasel smell. Both children love the ferrets. Quinn likes Mimzy the best, and Anna likes Simon the best. Being young children, they inadvertently torture the boys by holding them and not letting the ferrets ferret, but they’re learning.

Since the kids do play hard with the ferrets during the day, I frequently feel obliged to let the boys out after the kids have gone to bed. That way, the ferrets can ferret and Leon and I can be amused watching ferret antics. Mimzy, who is a pound lighter than Simon, likes to jump on Simon’s back and try to pin him. They both like to chase each other around the house, and they both like to crawl up pant legs. (Why does a wet dog nose bother my husband, but weasels crawling up his pants don’t? It’s one of life’s great mysteries.)

I don’t recommend ferrets for all households. Ferrets are ferrets and they ferret. They tip over anything they can, including trash cans and beverage glasses. They “steal” things, like my wallet, and put them in their stash. They “do business” in corners, so you either have to have litter boxes all over, or you have to only let them out for an hour at a time after you’ve witnessed a successful litter box operation. Mostly, ferrets like tunnels. A friend of mine told me ferrets were used to hunt rats in sewer tunnels in England once. Wikipedia says that they were used by the Romans to hunt rabbits. They can get into holes you wouldn’t believe. My husband refers to them as two-dimensional creatures.

Simon and Mimzy, our boys, have found ways to crawl into our kitchen cabinets. We had to try about four different instances of ferret proofing to keep them out of the upstairs. We are still working on proofing the stairs to keep them from going downstairs. The current mechanism works, if you remember to block the cat’s door to the basement AND remember that ferrets are two dimensional critters.

Two nights ago, I let the ferrets out after the kids had gone to bed. I failed to remember the cardinal rule and left about an inch of clearance by the cat’s door to the basement. After an hour of playtime, we put Mimzy back in his cage. Simon, on the other hand, we could not find. It was late, and Leon wanted to go to bed. I told him we couldn’t go to bed until all weasels were accounted for and safely tucked away in their cage. We searched.

I pulled apart the coat closet. We tipped over the couches. We searched the nooks and crannies, and eventually Leon saw the cat door. He went into the basement, and he heard Simon scratching.

We have two sump pumps in our basement, and Simon had managed to get into the sump pump pipes. Leon came and got me. He wasn’t able to get Simon out, but he did see him. I came down with him, and we spent a half hour trying to get our boy back. At one point, I told Leon to get the jigsaw and I covered my hand in yummy ferret vitamins. Leon sawed on one of the sump pump pipes, very close to my hand, while I kept my hand by Simon so he could lick ferret vitamins.

We “rescued” Simon. We were covered in basement gunk, and we thought Simon had to be traumatized. Traumatized or not, midnight or not, Simon earned a bath. I think the bath was scarier for him than being stuck all alone in sump pump piping for an hour.

As we put Simon to bed, we both agreed that we had to ferret proof the sump pumps, because while Simon had just scared us, he clearly had fun. Basement plumbing pipes are just too fun a playground for stinky weasels.

My son's socialization

2007-10-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

My son is four years old and my daughter is six. I home school my daughter, but my son asked to go to preschool. So, I enrolled him in preschool. Quinn goes to school three days a week for two and a half hours a day.

After his first day of school, I asked him if he liked school. He said “No.” I immediately thought “tough, I paid for a month so you are going to have to go for a month.” I told him that he wouldn’t be able to tell if he liked preschool from just one day, and that he had to go at least five times before he would be able to decide if he liked school or not.

After the second day of school, I asked Quinn if he liked school. He said “No.” I then asked him if he wanted to go back to school, and he said “Yes.” The third and fourth days were a repeat of the second day. He didn’t like school, but he wanted to go back.

After Quinn’s fifth day of school he came out smiling and said “Mommy, I liked school today. No one hit me!”

“What?” I thought. I queried him more and found out that two boys had been hitting him. Well, I didn’t think much of that to tell you the truth. My kids are sensitive and “hit” could mean “touch” or “accidentally ran into.” But, I kept thinking about it.

After the next day of school, I stayed a little bit later until most of the kids had gone. There were still two boys in the classroom. I told the teacher about Quinn getting hit and asked her if it was possible he was hit or if he was just being sensitive. The teacher turned her head, stared at the two boys in the room for a noticeable few seconds, and said that there were a couple of kids she was working with about hitting.

Okay, so I deduced that my son had probably been hit a few times from the boys still in the classroom.

Now, here’s the odd thing. A few minutes later the teacher told me that the only thing she worries about with Quinn is that he doesn’t play very much with the other boys.

Hmm

He did it

2007-09-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

I have a dog. My husband doesn’t like my dog. I don’t really understand really, since my Valor is so perfect. Valor’s about as good a dog as anyone could want. He let the kids get away with a lot when they were babies. A toddler can pull a hamburger out of his mouth and not get bitten. He’s a good boy. Yet Leon describes his interactions with my perfect pooch as “annoying.” So, I am solely responsible for loving the dog.

I have a cat. My husband doesn’t like my cat. Tonka’s biggest flaw, in my opinion, is just that he’s a cat. Other than the cat-thing, he’s pretty good. He doesn’t hide from people when company’s over. In fact, he demands pets. He’s friendly. He doesn’t do business in incorrect places. He’s a decent cat. My husband describes his interactions with him as “annoying.” Fortunately for me, my daughter considers Tonka her cat, and so she helps out petting, and loving, the cat.

I had a dwarf hamster. The kids named her Peanut, and she was technically my daughters hamster. However, Anna was afraid of Peanut. Peanut bit her too many times. I was the only family member that held and pet the hamster. I actually had that rodent trained. She got to where she liked me holding her and she stopped biting me. It took a lot of work and patience, especially since I was the only one that took care of, and loved, the gal. She recently had a stroke, spent a day running in circles in one direction, and died. We had a funeral for Peanut, and my work load decreased.

Well, the only time my husband actually smiled when being around an animal was at the pet store holding ferrets. I made him a deal. I told him I’d take care of the ferrets physically, such as cleaning their cage, taking them to the vet, trimming their nails, and the like; however, I told him I wold not be solely responsible for loving them. Ferret love would have to be a whole-family affair.

Leon thought about it for six months. We made many trips to the pet stores and held a lot of ferrets. The kids really wanted ferrets and they got over their fears and held them.

So, last week we left the pet store with Mimzy and Simon. Mimzy is about ten weeks old and Simon is about 20 weeks old. Mimzy weighs a whopping pound and Simon is 2 pounds. They are both cute, frisky, smart, and stinky.

A friend at work doesn’t understand why Leon doesn’t like cats and dogs, but does like stinky weasels. I’m not exactly sure either, but he’s had a lot of smiles on his face, as have the children.

If I could stop time

2007-06-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

I’m busy. I mean, I’m really busy. I have a job at Sun. I have an equivalent of a job with clients. I’m homeschooling my kids, and transporting them to and fro various classes including ballet, swimming, gears, and dinosaurs.

I don’t have time to goof off writing in my blog. Yet here I am, writing in my blog.

I was working on a project for one of my clients. I’ve been playing in Excel and wondering how I’m going to do three hours of work in one hour so I can go to bed and get some sleep. It’s impossible, of course, so it occurred to me “Wouldn’t it be cool if I could stop time around me?” I’ve come to the conclusion that the stopping-time superpower wouldn’t be as cool as I think.

If time stopped, would I actually work on something productive? Nah, I think I would play more games and just play with robots. Or I might read a trashy novel. I think I’d have to play several hours of games and read a novel before I’d get around to actually doing something useful.

I’ve learned several things from this. Firstly, I like my break time. Secondly, a fantasy super power isn’t going to help me, so I better get cracking on that spreadsheet and stop writing in my silly blog.

Swimming with Dolphins

2007-06-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

It’s illegal to swim with wild dolphins in most oceans. So, if you want to swim with Flipper, you have to an aquarium with dolphins.

I had to get over the mental problem of “If I let my daughter swim with dolphins in an aquarium setting, then I am helping to pay for captive dolphins.” After a bit of research I came to the conclusion that in the United States the great majority of captive dolphins were either born in captivity or rescued and can’t be returned to the ocean. Whew.

Nevertheless, when we went to Disney World in January, we didn’t detour to Sea World to swim with dolphins. My daughter, Anna, who is the one obsessed with dolphins was not quite old enough. Sea World requires a kid to be 6 years old and 44″ tall.

A few months after our Disney trip my youngest sister told me that her family was going to rent a condo on the beach in San Diego, spend one day at Sea World, and our parents were going to join them. I invited myself and my family along.

This time I booked two reservations to swim with the dolphins. One reservation was for Anna and the other was for my husband. I didn’t think Anna would go near the dolphins without a parent present and I didn’t trust my husband to get proper photos and video.

The day came and I helped Anna don her wet suit and rubber booties. She was excited and nervous. I do think, however, that perhaps my husband enjoyed the experience more.

Anna and Leon enjoyed about 45 minutes with Maggie, a four-year-old bottlenose dolphin.

It was totally worth the cost.

I don't want my kids socialized

2007-06-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

I don’t want my kids socialized. For the most part, I think socialization is a bad thing.

Now, before you call social services, let’s talk semantics. There’s a big difference between socialization and social development.

Socialization is the process where people learn their place in society. For children, socialization means raising your hand to go to the bathroom, changing your mental frame of mind when a bell rings, and waiting in line.

Social development, on the other hand, is about creating and nurturing meaningful relationships with others and integrating into society in such a way to help yourself and society.

Some socialization is obviously necessary to survive in society. For instance, if a kid doesn’t know how to queue up, he’ll get tossed out of amusement parks and not get to ride roller coasters. If a kid doesn’t have the sense to respect other people’s property and lives, he’ll end up in jail.

Some aspects of socialization seem silly to me, though. Why, for instance, should a child spend a year in a classroom with 20 or more other kids of the same age? Where else in our lives does that happen besides school?

Instead of “socialization,” I am teaching my kids “good citizenship.” For social development, I am providing them with opportunities to make friends of their age, older, and younger; however, I’m also providing them opportunities to make friends with adults, seniors, and much younger children.

Post vacation blues

2007-06-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

We’ve taken a lot of vacation time this year.

We started off the year with a week-long trip to Disney World. Fun was had by all. I liked Animal Kingdom the best; Leon liked Epcot; Quinn and Anna liked the Magic Kingdom the best-even though they got to meet Mater and Lightening McQueen at MGM.

When we came home from Disney World, I had my traditional post vacation blues. My theory is that I spend a bunch of time high on epinephrine (and spending money) and then I come home and I need to clean the house. Bye Bye Little High. My customary method of dealing with the post vacation blues is to give my husband a choice: take the kids and I out to dinner and a movie, or walk us to the park to play.

That method usually works fine. It’s sort of an intermediary. While dinner and a movie can be expensive, it’s not up there with plane tickets. If it’s sunny out, a walk to the park usually does the trick too. (It’s a treat to get Leon to walk with me to the park.)

My usual methods didn’t work for this last trip, however. We didn’t get home until 8:00 p.m. San Diego, Sea World, visiting with Grandma and Grandpa and my sister, brother-in-law, and nieces–and staying in a penthouse with a wonderful view–was loads of fun. Coming home at 8:00 p.m. didn’t make either of my normal trip fixes much of an option. (When you split a penthouse ten ways it’s much less expensive.)

So I did the next best thing and read a bit (to keep my mind occupied so I didn’t cry) and went to sleep.

You know what? Sleep worked wonders.

That nagging question

2007-06-09T23:58:00.000-07:00

When I was in grammar school, about thirty years ago, I was taught that a species was a group of animals that could mate and produce fertile offspring. That seemed like a reasonable, simple definition and I was content with it for about 29 years.

My definition of species has been tested over this last year, and it has failed. While writing a polar bear unit study (www.UnitStudiesByGwen.com) I discovered that polar bears can mate with brown bears and produce fertile offspring; however, polar bears are grouped as a separate species.

Polar bears have longer necks than brown bears. Polar bears have smaller ears and tails-a cold weather adaptation. Polar bears have re-developed their carnasial teeth and primarily eat meat. Brown bears have lost their carnasial teeth and are omnivores. Brown bears hibernate over the winter; polar bears never actually hibernate. Brown bears cannot survive in the arctic and polar bears don’t fare well in warmer areas.

The two types of bears definitely have a pile of differences-but, but, but they can mate and have fertile offspring.

So, “What is the modern definition of species” is my nagging question. I have started researching this, but I haven’t yet answered it to my satisfaction. I think I’ll end up with another unit study on Taxonomy before I have the answer.

Colorful games

2007-05-25T23:57:00.000-07:00

I like games. I like games with bright colors, a need for strategy, and an element of randomness.

Tetris was my game of choice in college. I attribute the surgery I had for tendinitis at the age of 21 to Tetris. Tetris had bright colored squares, you had to use a bit of strategy when dropping the shapes, and the next shape was more or less random.

Conquer was fun too; but it didn’t have bright colors.

I’ve gone in and out of game addictions over the years. For a spell I liked World of War, a Risk-like game. I’d have 20-30 games going at once, and it took a lot of energy to play. Additionally, it was turn based and not usually played live. So, it took forever to finish a game. It met the requirements though. It was colorful, had die, and involved a fair amount of strategy.

Kingdom of Loathing is fun too. Despite the lack of colors, it does have randomness and strategy. Plus, its content is cool and has spoofs on everything from pop culture to obscure computer games from the early eighties. Kingdom of Loathing is a game that you play a little bit everyday for a few days or years, depending on how much you like the game. This game can eat up a lot of time. For instance, my husband thinks about this game all the time, researches the game, and thinks about every turn he makes. Kingdom of Loathing is a very long-term game.

Sometimes it’s nice to play a game that’s over in an hour or two, or in an evening. There’s a board game called Settlers of Catan that’s fun to play in groups. It has the bright colors, strategy, and die. The game lasts about four hours when you play with people and an actual board with pieces. If, however, you play the game online, you don’t have to set up the board or place the hexagons. Online, this game can be played in less than an hour. There are multiple online variations, but I like asobrain the best.

Asobrain had a cool game for a while called “Brainiac,” but they had to take it down for legal reasons. Now that game was fun. The bright colored shapes looked like candy. I think it was based off a board game called Ingenious. I have never played the actual board game. While the game took about a half hour to play online, I think it would take hours to play it with a board and pieces.

I don’t have any friends with Ingenious at the moment, but I do have a friend with a game called Ticket to Ride. Each player gets 45 train wagons and based on the cards drawn, tries to complete rail routes.

Ticket to Ride is my latest addiction. It’s even better because my husband likes the game too, and we can play together. I think my daughter might be able to play the board game with us. My son might need another year or two.

I’m NewtMommy. If you try any of these games out and see me, say hello.

New addition to the house

2007-05-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

See my house? Notice the flat, black things on the roof? Those are solar panels and I’m really excited about them.

Those little babies should supply our house with 104% of our electrical needs, save about four tons of coal each year, and make us feel all responsible.

Colorado Sunflower installed them for us, and my experience with them has been pleasant.

These solar panels are under warranty for 20-something years, will pay for themselves in less than that time, and can theoretically last for up to 60 years.

What’s more, if the federal government passes a cool energy bill sponsoring alternative energy sources, we might get a big, hefty tax deduction.

Solar panels - they’re not just for Boulderites anymore.

Pigeons

2007-05-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

I can usually find about five pigeons outside my house; they fly around from roof to roof and gently wake the neighborhood up with pleasant coos. I have never seen more than five pigeons though.

San Francisco, on the other hand, has pigeons a plenty. When my dog, Valor, was a puppy, he was a Guide Dog in Training. He flew with me to San Francisco just after he was potty trained. On his first trip to San Francisco Valor demonstrated a fear of pigeons. (Being a Labrador, he also showed a strong like for pigeon output.) I took Valor to San Francisco again when he was a little older, probably about ten months old. Valor thought pigeons were fun to chase on that trip.

Valor’s trips to San Francisco were about ten years ago. Pigeons were abundant as they walked around The City with their cute little pigeon walk. It was easy to find dozens on any given street corner, and they looked like normal pigeons with a few different feather colors. Over the last ten years I had pretty much forgotten about San Francisco pigeons; after all, I hadn’t been to San Francisco during that time.

The annual IVAA conference was held in San Francisco, so back to The City I went. Alas, my favorite pooch was not permitted to attend this time.

At the end of the second day of the conference I went for a walk to meet up with some old friends for dinner. I got lost, of course, on the way so I had many miles of walk-time to observe the pigeons.

The pigeons were different.

There didn’t seem to be any more pigeons than before; however, they were fat.

They were really fat pigeons.

At that point, I decided that if I ever became homeless I’d move to San Francisco. San Francisco doesn’t actually get cold.

And, The City has really fat pigeons.

Movie rating system

2007-05-01T23:50:00.000-07:00

The current movie rating system does not work for me, so I need to propose a new one.

Since today was my birthday, I informed Leon that he and the kids were going to take me out to dinner and a movie. After yummy Outback food, we saw Bridge to Terabithia.

The previews for the movie implied that the movie would be fanciful. The previews show two smiling kids exploring a make believe world called Terabithia. The previews show some of their pretend world coming to life. Normally movie previews give everything away, so I expected to see a fantasy aimed at kids.

Well, the previews were misleading. They failed to clue me in that the back of my throat would quiver and feel sore for half of the movie. The previews failed to clue me in that I would spend half the movie with tears streaming down my face. I have not cried that much in a movie since I saw My Life. I haven’t cried that much reading a book since the last time I braved Nicholas Sparks.

So, I want to add a new category to the rating system: TJ.

Bridge to Terabithia is a tear jerker.

Lessons on money and life style from the kids

2007-04-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

I wasn’t big on cars and other toys when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I read a few articles of Amy Dacyczyn’s The Complete Tightwad Gazette and decided that being frugal was cool. Being frugal was the environmental thing to do to boot. Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robins’ Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence promoted similar ideas. Why should I go out and buy a new plastic gizmo when my current gizmo works just fine?

That was my environmental and political phase. I did lots of things that many people consider crazy. I do believe my father called me a bleeding heart when I went five years without a car. Going without a car in Boulder, Colorado isn’t a big deal. My dad cooperated with my crazy recycling bin scheme when he visited. My sisters just thought I was nuts.

I was happy. The simplified lifestyle was also my choice.

For a few years, the lifestyle was forced on me, and it sucked.

I went crazy; I bought a car and toys I didn’t need as soon as my period of forced simplicity ended. There was a short period during which I even spent more money than I had. Egads, it was like I was a different person, and the rebellion wasn’t hurting anyone but me.

I eventually found a middle ground with money, lifestyle, and spending habits. I slide up and down the spectrum though. Sometimes I buy silly things that I don’t need. Sometimes I make something things last longer than I should; however, overall, I think I’ve reached a middle ground.

I think I need to take some lessons from my children. They are really good at “Mommy, this is broken. Will you fix it for me?” There are a few stuffed toys that have more of my stitches in them than the original manufacturer’s.

The kids are also good at creating something out of “nothing.” For instance, Anna decided to make her brother a stuffed shark toy. She took one of her dad’s old (and holey) socks, stuffed it with stuffing from a dead, giant stuffed dog, sewed up the end with yarn and a yard needle, and drew gills and fins on the sock. That shark is now her brother’s favorite toy.

The kids are even starting to understand when to use gorilla glue instead of super glue.

How long can I make things last with a needle, thread, duct tape, and some gorilla glue?

Even so, I draw the line at darning socks.

Gazingas pings

2007-04-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

A long time ago I read Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence by Vicki Robins and Joe Dominguez. This is an excellent book that makes you think about what you really need, what’s important, and how to achieve Financial Independence (FI). I liked the book so much that I not only read the book again a few years later, but I incorporated much of it into my life and bought a few copies to give on hand to people who might be receptive to its teachings.

The book discusses the concept of the gazingas pin. Most people have gazingas pins. A gazingas pin is something you buy, collect, have a bunch of, and don’t actually need. (Maybe you need one, but not a collection.) What do you collect? Some people collect figurines, or pins, or socks, or can openers. My husband went through a stage where his gazingas pins were technical books and another stage of VHS tapes.

My gazingas pin is the purse. I have a basement full of purses and I can’t seem to stop myself from buying more. I don’t buy every purse I see. A purse has to meet a set of criteria for me to “need” it. Nevertheless, I have purchased many purses in my quest for the perfect purse, that purse that will be so awesome it will put a stop to my inane purchases.

We went to a birthday party today. On the way home I told my husband I wanted to go buy some shirts. I’m going to a conference in a few days and I didn’t have any appropriate clothes that fit and weren’t in style in the 80’s. We saw a Ross on the side of the road, and he let me go in and he stayed in the car, reading a book, with the sleeping kids.

I was in there a long time. It took me probably about an hour to try on 16 different things and walk out with a giant shopping bag.

My husband saw the purse immediately. (Ross has a lot of purses.)

He said, “That’s cute.”

Did I pick a winner or what?

Progression of chemicals

2007-04-20T23:52:00.000-07:00

Hygiene was pretty easy as a small child. I’d take a bath, wash off the soap and shampoo, dry off, and put on my jammies. Chemicals=2. (Technically, water’s a chemical too, so the count should be 3, but I don’t want to count water.) After a few years of torture having my hair combed, my mother added the second chemical to the mix: hair detangler. She’d spray some hair detangler on my head and I’d cry less as she combed my hair. Chemicals=3.

Two chemicals isn’t that bad, but it wasn’t to last. I developed eczema and dry skin, so good lotion after a bath was a necessity. My hands were especially bad. If I didn’t apply lotion to my hands several times a day, they’d crack and bleed. Chemicals=4.

Adolescence added a few more chemicals to the mix. I started to use antiperspirant. Chemicals=5. I mentioned adolescence. Like most teenagers, I had my fair share of acne and isopropanyl jumped on the list. Chemicals=6. I also figured out about hair conditioner. Chemicals=7. However, my hair was thicker at that point and the conditioner helped, so I didn’t need the hair detangler anymore. Chemicals=7.

My sisters informed me that I had to use a special face lotion when I was in my twenties. Chemicals=8. I didn’t understand that, but my sisters are the experts on that type of thing. Well, needing face lotion coincided with not needing the acne stuff anymore. Chemicals=7.

After my sisters were confident that they had trained me to use face lotion, they decided to break me into the next step, special face soap. Chemicals=8. Why in the world isn’t body soap good enough for your face? I don’t know, but my sisters convinced me. Chemicals=8.

I stayed at a solid nine chemicals for a few years, until my two sisters and I got together and my sisters decided that we’d all go for facials. I decided that I need under eye gel, eye lotion, face serum, and eye serum. Chemicals=12. Now, in defense of this craziness which I started to get “into,” the serum feels really good on my skin and makes it so I need hardly any face lotion. Oh, I guess I can’t forget the Chapstick. Chemicals=13.

And what about those very rare occasions when I wear make-up? Well, I add face spackle, base, eye liner, mascara, and sometimes eye shadow. Chemicals=18.

So, 18 different things to “get ready.”

Maybe it’s time for another shower to clean off the 18 chemicals.

Highlights from homeschooling

2007-04-04T23:56:00.000-07:00

I homeschool my kids. I have a ton of reasons for this, but I feel like sharing some of the rewards of homeschooling. Here are some conversations that have been had in my family.

Preface: My daughter, Anna, loves dolphins. She likes them so much I wrote a dolphin unit s tudy on dolphins, and this has bought many lunches for the family. Anna understands that dolphins are mammals and that mammals have four chambers in their hearts. In fact, she’s seen plasticized hearts with four chambers at the Denver Museum of Science and Nature. Anna asked the following when she was five.
Anna: Mommy, how many chambers do sharks have in their hearts?
Me: I don’t know Anna. Let’s look it up.
(As it turns out, most fish have two-chambered hearts.)

Preface: Quinn did this just after he turned three.
Me: Quinn, why do you have ten glasses lined up on the window sill with sticks and grass in them?
Quinn: I’m doing an experiment mommy.
Me: What’s the experiment?
Quinn: I want to see what grows.

Preface: Anna asked this just before she turned six.
Anna: Mommy, how long do lady bugs live?
Me: I don’t know Anna. Let’s look it up when we get home. How do we look things up Anna?
Anna: Google, Mommy!
Me: How long do you think lady bugs live?
Anna: I think for three days, Mommy.
Me: I’m going to guess three months.
(As it turns out, lady bugs can live for a couple of years, so we were off a bit in our guess.)

Preface: Neither my husband nor I are religious; however, we do enjoy church and take the kids to Sunday school once in a while.
Anna: I think God is in outer space.
Quinn: I think God is in everything.
Me: Anna, why do you think God is in outer space?
Anna: Because teacher said he can see everything.
Me: Quinn, why do you think God is in everything?
Quinn: Because Daddy said so.
Me: Anna, can you see God?
Anna: No mommy.
Me: How do you know there’s a God then?
Anna: Because Aunt Amy and Mr. Nick said there is.
…
Anna: What happens when you die mommy?
Me: Your body gets buried and it disintegrates and turns to bones.
Anna: No, mommy, what happens to you?
Me: Well Anna, some people believe that people have souls.
Anna: What’s a soul?
Me: Well, it’s something you can’t see that has all the important parts of a person in it like their love. Anyway Anna, some people think that when you die your soul goes to heaven. Some people think the soul gets reborn in a different person or critter, and still others think that there isn’t a soul and when you die, that’s it. What do you think Anna?
Anna: I think that half the people’s souls go to heaven and half are reborn.

Stripes

2007-03-10T23:52:00.000-08:00

My sister has “stripes” in her hair. I think most people call these “highlights,” but my family calls them stripes. My sister’s stripes accentuate her hair and face. She looks awesome in stripes.

She went through a few renditions of stripes, she made a few emergency trips to the hair salon to get her self-made stripes fixed. There were a few unhappy experiences for her, but she learned some important lessons about stripes.

Stripes are expensive.
Stripes are more expensive if you try to save money and make your own stripes or have your sister do your stripes.
Stripes are more expensive if you go to a cheaper hair salon than if you bite the bullet and go to the regular salon in the beginning.
Adults should have adult stripes, not teenager stripes. Adult stripes are subtle. They are thin and only slightly off your normal hair color. Teenager stripes are wide, chunky, and are a different color.

My sister finally mastered stripes after she mastered her new stripe rules.

Why, oh why, did I not choose to learn from my sister’s experience?

I wanted stripes, so I went to Super Cuts and ordered up stripes. The lady asked me if I wanted one shade lighter or the two shades lighter. I foolishly thought I wanted my stripes to be dramatic, so I said two shades lighter. She asked me if I wanted adult stripes or teenager stripes, and again I foolishly thought I wanted dramatic stripes, so I said “in between.”

Well, I think my stripes look awesome. They didn’t when I left the salon, but they sure did after I used that box of hair dye in the shower.

My keyboard

2007-03-06T23:51:00.000-08:00

My husband doesn’t want to get a new keyboard. He’s looking for the “perfect” keyboard, and it’s difficult to find the perfect keyboard when you think a keyboard is a keyboard. I’m not sure what constitutes the perfect keyboard, but I’m pretty sure perfect means lots of bells and whistles.

I’m a little simpler and a little more complex. I don’t care one way or another about the gizmos and gadgets on my keyboard; I just want a keyboard that works and doesn’t hurt my hands and arms.

It’s nice to know what you like, especially when you’re kids dump a vat of liquid on your keyboard in the middle of a work crunch.

“Honey, will you grab me a new keyboard?” I had a cold after all, so he went to the basement and brought up a keyboard. Yeah! My Microsoft Natural keyboard was shorted and he brought up another Microsoft Natural keyboard, albeit an earlier version. I spent thirty minutes cleaning the keyboard, popping off keys, and vacuuming hair. Once I had the keyboard reasonably clean, I tried it out.

The delete key didn’t work. The enter key didn’t work. The “p” key didn’t work. Ugh. I needed to work and lack of a keyboard just seemed silly. I got a black Sharpie out and wrote “Broken” on the keyboard in giant letters.

Leon went to the basement and brought up another keyboard. Yes, it was another Microsoft Natural keyboard, and still an earlier version. I looked at it, sticky and covered in muck, and had visions of Leon bringing up every keyboard in the basement for me to try. I almost cried. “Do you want to come to the store with me to get a new keyboard, or do you want to stay here with the kids?”

Leon opted to come with me. I looked at the lineup of keyboards in the store—and I didn’t read the brand names—and picked out my new keyboard. It’s split, three-dimensional, and the keys press easily. My husband likes the keyboard because it has a cute button that brings up the Windows calculator plus a few other cool features. He likes it because it’s black. I like white better and would have preferred a rainbow keyboard, but who’s going to notice the color of a keyboard when it’s being used or stuck under a desk?

Can you guess what brand the keyboard is?

Yes, I am the new owner of my fourth Microsoft Natural keyboard, and I love it—even if it’s sold my Microsoft.

The division of labor when planning our vacation

2007-02-15T23:44:00.001-08:00

My husband and I saved money for a few years and we finally had enough to start planning our vacation.

Of course, when I say that “we” saved the money for a few years, what I really mean is that my husband managed to sock away money without me knowing about it so that it could actually be saved. Whenever I find a little stash of money I seem to simultaneously find an emergency that needs the money. The dog gets an ear infection or one of the kids suddenly outgrows all their pants or some such nonsense. My spouse is a much better saver.

So, I for accuracy’s sake I will rephrase. My husband managed to save enough money for a family vacation—despite me. He basically came to me one day and said “Remember how we wanted to go to Disney World? Well, we have enough money now, so how about setting it up?” Yeah!

The first step was picking the time to go. We both agreed that we wanted to go to Disney World at an off peak time, and January seemed like a good idea. I asked my husband to get my chosen week off of work for the vacation and he did.

Then I got busy. I bought the plane tickets for the four of us. I arranged for dog, cat, fish, and hamster babysitting. I paid for the hotel and the park hopping tickets and the Disney meal plan. I drew myself a little calendar and made character meal reservations for the trip.

After I had done all that I opened up the trusty word processor and made two cute, little cards with pertinent information on them. The front side of the cards had all the flight information and the backside had all the character meal information. I laminated those babies and we put them in our wallets.

I made the packing checklist and taped it to the counter.

I took everyone to the shoe store a few weeks before the trip. We all bought new walking shoes and broke them in before the trip. We carefully chose shoes for the shortest family member so he was sure to measure 40” for the rides. We also tried to make sure the kids’ shoes had laces instead of Velcro so they didn’t come off on the rides. I entertained the kids whilst Leon searched for the perfect shoe. (He came out of the store with a newer version of the exact same shoe on his foot. I guess he knows what he likes.)

Yes, my husband is a smart man. He makes money. He saves money. Then he lets me spend it.

The division of labor when planning our vacation

2007-02-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

My husband and I saved money for a few years and we finally had enough to start planning our vacation.

I made the packing checklist and taped it to the counter.

Yes, my husband is a smart man. He makes money. He saves money. Then he lets me spend it.

Raising a guide dog puppy

2007-01-04T23:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen a puppy dressed in a green coat walking around with an obviously sighted person in a grocery store? Those pups are in training. After a few years of puppy hood, socialization, love, and training, these dogs just might be paired up with a partner and have grocery store privileges for a long time.

What’s involved in making a guide dog?

Breeding
Raising/Socialization/Basic Commands
Formal Training
Training with a Partner
Work
Retirement

There are several companies (non-profit of course) that make guide dogs. These companies have veterinarians on staff who analyze lineage, health, diseases, and temperament and decide which dogs breed with each other. Sometimes they trade or buy dogs from other companies. I don’t know a whole lot about this, but I do know that they are responsible breeders.

When a litter is born, the person who raised the mother, gets to name the pups. That person is given a letter, like “V.” That person then submits a list of a bunch of names that start with the letter V, in order of preference. If the name has been used previously by any dog that was a breeder, it cannot be used. If the name is the name of an active guide dog, it cannot be used. Otherwise, as long as the name is not offensive or embarrassing, it’s fair game.

The people who are going to raise the puppy are told their puppy’s letter and the number of letters in the name after the puppy is born. Then they get to guess for a couple of months as to what “their” pup’s name is.The pups are the legal property of the company, even though they tend to feel like the raiser’s baby.

Have you ever wondered what it was like to raise a Guide Dog puppy? I’ve done it a few times..

My second pup was born February 2, 1997 in San Rafael, California to proud mother Hazy and proud father Signal. I was told “V” and “5 letters.” The first thing that came to my mind was “Valor,” but I thought surely that name had already been taken. However, when my pup came, his name was Valor. He was a black Labrador with a short tail and curly hair, and he was just about the cutest little fellow I had ever seen.

Valor was eight weeks old when he came to live with me in Colorado. Pups come to live with their raisers between eight and twelve weeks old. The companies experiment with what’s the best age to leave their litter mates and go to the raisers. It’s been ten years since I’ve raised a guide dog, but I think they lean toward the older ages now.

I fell in love with Valor immediately, which was different for me. It normally takes me a long while to cotton to a particular dog. In fact, it took me three months to learn to love my first guide dog pup. He was a fellow named Martin who was a little temperamental. Valor, however, was cute, playful, licky, and wanted to please.

Since my job was to socialize him, so Valor went with me everywhere.

Valor went to work with me. He sat under my desk while I worked. I attached his lead to my cube wall when he was a young pup. Guide Dog puppies aren’t supposed to play fetch, but I think there is something ingrained in a Labrador about fetching. There was quite a bit of laughter the day some guys played fetch around me and my cube wall came down.

What happens when you’re in a store and you have to use the facilities? If you’re lucky, you have a friend with you and you hand her/him the leash. If you’re not so fortunate, well, the pup comes with you. It’s pretty similar to having a 9-month-old kid. Would you leave the child outside the facilities to wait for you? What if there are strangers in the vicinity?

Raisers quickly learn to have the pup use the facilities before entering a store. It’s unpleasant, to say the least, to have your pupster urinate or defecate in a store. Fortunately, raisers tend to be so “in tune” with their pups, that they can sense when this is about to happen, pick the pup up, go outside, take off the pup’s coat, and issue the command, “Do your business.” If, however, the raiser is not perfect, like me, there are occasional accidents. The green puppy coats actually have a spot in them to put plastic bags and paper towels. Someone was thinking.

Besides going to work with me and to stores, my pups travelled with me.

Valor was afraid of San Francisco’s pigeons as a young pup, but as an older pup, he decided they might be good for chasing. Well, Valor was actually fond of pigeon scat as a young pup, and I had quite a project of keeping his head and tongue off the ground in San Francisco.

Valor seemed to think Kansas was okay, but not as cool as the other places. There’s hardly any pigeons at all in Kansas, though he really liked my Grandpa. I suspect Grandpa might have slipped him some cheese or meat when I wasn’t looking. Guide dog pups aren’t supposed to take food from other people. You wouldn’t want a sight challenged person walking with their dog and tripping because their dog decided to stop for a bite of hamburger.

Valor panted a lot in Utah, but had fun playing with his “cousin” Sydney.

Valor went shopping with me. I learned to give shopping trips about twice as much time as I needed before. People kept stopping and trying to pet him. He needed to work in the store. Sometimes I think half the job of socializing a pup is socializing strangers. If a sight challenged person is shopping in a store, do you really think they want to stop and talk to everyone else just because they have a fine looking pooch with them?

Other than the meat aisles, Valor was an angel in the grocery stores. He was pretty sniffy in the meat aisles though.

Valor got socialized everywhere, not just in public. He went for walks with me and took me hiking. We came home from a walk one day and Valor saw a snake on the stairs to the house. I’m reasonably terrified of non-caged, legless reptiles; however, Valor charged, giving my arm a good yank in the process, and went to inspect the snake. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the snake bit him. Later in the evening Valor’s jaw seemed to triple in size, I panicked, and off to the vet we went. In as nice a way as possible, the doctor explained to me that if the snake had been poisonous, my pooch would be dead. He said Valor probably had an allergic reaction. I remember thinking, “It costs $75.00 to kiss a snake,” as I left the vet’s office.

We had a good time during Valor’s puppy-hood, but all good things come to an end, and Valor had to go back to San Rafael. It was very hard to send Valor off to college, but I thought he would make a fine Guide Dog for someone.

Did I want Valor to pass? If he passed, then all that work was worth it, and someone would have a canine partner for a good many years. Valor would be working, and since he was motivated by pleasing others, he’d be happy. If he didn’t pass, he could come home to me and I’d have my baby back. Well, let’s say I was ambivalent, but I did want him to pass.

Fortunately, the decision on whether or not the dog will be a guide is not the decision of puppy raisers. I don’t think many would go on to college if that was the case. The decision lies with the company, and with the dogs themselves. My first pup was booted from the program, or “career changed” because he growled at the vet when his temperature was taken. When they asked me if I wanted Martin back, I asked them if they could find a good home for him. “Yes,” they said. They do after all have a waiting list of people wanting to adopt career change dogs. Why? A guide dog is not allowed to growl when someone takes his temperature; a pet can do that and it is acceptable. A guide dog can not bark excessively, but excessive for a guide dog is pretty normal for a pet.

My third guide dog, Dilbert, failed school too. He didn’t fail for growling. He failed because he simply did not want to be a guide dog.

I read reports of how Valor was doing in college. He did “satisfactory” for the first seven weeks or so, and then I got a call from Guide Dogs. Valor was diagnosed with a problem in his right, front elbow. It could have been genetic, or it could have been trauma. The Guide Dog vet’s did a surgery on his elbow and he was pulled from the program. Did I want to adopt him? This required no thought on my part since I was in love with Valor from the moment I saw him. Valor was put on the next Guide Dog truck to Colorado.

I picked Valor up at the designated meeting spot. He remembered me, and that felt good. How I forgot about his short tail in a mere eight weeks is beyond me, but it didn’t matter. Valor was back.

The rules went out the window. If I offered him a cheeseburger, he was free to eat it. Until I got married, he slept at the foot of my bed instead of on the floor beside it.

Valor is almost ten years old now. Val’s getting lumpy now. He can’t have cheeseburgers anymore and is on a strict diet of some dog food, carrots, and green beans. Well, I occasionally give him an apple or pear. Next to my husband, I think he’s my best friend. I say Valor’s perfect. My daughter tells me “Valor’s perfect to you, mom, but to me, he’s just a good dog.” What does she know? She’s only 5.

Will I raise another guide dog some day? You bet. As soon as my youngest is old enough to have a “presence” with the pup and actually help, maybe when he’s 6 or 7 or 8, we’ll raise another pup.

Only, the next pup will be raised by the whole family.

Do you want to raise a pup? Think about it long and hard first, but it’s definitely worth it.

How to print out an entire Windows directory listing

2007-01-01T23:33:00.000-08:00

Windows does not have a feature for printing out a directory listing. So, here’s how to print out a listing.

Double click on the folder you want the listing of and find the pathname at the top of the folder. It will probably start with a c:\Documents and Settings\yourname\My Documents\morepath.

Select the command prompt from the Start/Accessories menu.

c:> cd c:\Documents and Settings\yourname\My Documents\morepath

c:> dir > listing.txt

Then go back into your folder and look for the file called listing.txt. Double click on it and it will open in Notepad. Select Print from the File Menu.

Thoughtful gifts

2006-12-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure if my husband is a natural or if he is just lucky, but over the years he has consistently given me amazing gifts. Not once have I returned a gift from him.

I’m a practical person and I like practical things. If he got me a diamond necklace, I’d probably look at him like he was crazy or insane. I’d then sell it on e-bay and buy something I could use. Not surprisingly then, Leon has never bought me jewelry. Well, there’s the wedding ring exception.

Gift Example No. 1

I was into vegetables and stir fries when we were first dating. I also use cast iron pans almost exclusively. He noticed those things and for our first Valentine’s Day he gave me a cast iron wok. I love that wok.

Some people think that practical gifts are the sign of a relationship’s downfall, but I have to disagree. Leon and I have been married for six years now and we seem to be doing well together. Plus, I love the wok and we still use it. I’m glad Leon didn’t listen to that relationship advice.

Gift Example No. 2

I like Asimov. If you don’t know who Asimov is, well, he’s one of my heroes. Besides writing some fine science fiction, he also wrote something in every major Dewey decimal system category. He was a smart feller. I also like Chemistry. One day, briefly in passing, I told Leon that I wished I had a copy of Asimov on Chemistry. The book is out of print and has been for a while. For a birthday about 18 months later, Leon gave me a copy of Asimov on Chemistry. I just about jumped out of my skin.

Gift Example No. 3

We have a projector system in our house. One evening, while watching Star Wars, I said to Leon “Can I have that?” I was referring to Ewen McGregor. For my next birthday he gave me an autographed picture of Ewen McGregor. I laughed, and I love telling that story.

Gift Example No. 4

Leon out did himself this year. We have been watching a TV show called Good Eats. It’s a food network show, but the host, Alton Brown, likes to talk about the chemistry, physics, and biology of cooking. Leon emailed me the link to MIT’s course on Kitchen Chemistry and gave me a copy of the prime text book for the class, On Food and Cooking-The Science and Lore of the Kitchen, for Christmas. I’m excited about reading this.

What do all his gifts have in common?

All of the gifts were under $40.00. Expensive is not necessarily good.
The gifts took into account a long-term interest of mine.
The gifts also took into account a brand-new interest.
The gifts demonstrated that the giver knew the receiver.
My husband, the giver, never gave me any hints about the presents until I opened them.

Gift Example No. 5

I’m leaning towards Leon’s gift giving being a natural trait. There were eight humans at my house on Christmas morning. Clearly, the best gift was given by Leon’s mother to my daughter. When she opened it she couldn’t talk for about a minute. Then she said “Oh, oo, Oh, I think I just about jumped out of my skin.” Grandma gave Anna a pretty figuring of some dolphins on a wave. Does the statue meet the criteria? Yes. It was definitely under $40. Anna’s been into dolphins for several years and she doesn’t have any statues of dolphins yet. Grandma clearly knows that Anna likes dolphins, and Anna had no clue what the present was until she opened it up.

Maybe this is natural to my husband, but I believe most of us can do better with our gift giving.

Gift Giving Strategies

Know the person you are giving to. If you don’t know the person, how can you learn about them? If the receiver is a secret sister or secret Santa, who are his/her friends? Talk to them and get ideas. Talk to the person’s family. Don’t ask “What does she want?” Instead, ask about what the person likes, what his/her dreams are, how does (s)he spend his/her time, and other questions you would ask someone if you were just starting to date them. Ask about the past. Ask about the present.
Put a price limit on your gifts. Thoughtful gifts do not need to be expensive. I’ve received some most excellent secret sister gifts that didn’t cost more than $20.00. Also, some of the best gifts are homemade.
Shhh
After you give the gift, don’t ask the receiver if (s)he liked it. Ask his/her friends, or observe the person and see if (s)he uses it. Do some reconnaissance. Was the gift a winner? If so, great. If not, try to figure out what went wrong so that next time it works out better.

And, Good Luck.

Lessons on money and lifestyle from the kids

2006-12-22T23:36:00.000-08:00

I wasn’t big on cars and other toys when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I read a few articles of Amy Dacyczyn’s The Tightwad Gazette and decided that being frugal was cool. Being frugal was the environmental thing to do to boot. Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robins’ Your Money or Your Life promoted similar ideas. Why should I go out and buy a new plastic gizmo when my current gizmo works just fine?

I was happy. The simplified lifestyle was also my choice.

For a few years, the lifestyle was forced on me, and it sucked.

The kids are even starting to understand when to use gorilla glue instead of super glue.

How long can I make things last with a needle, thread, duct tape, and some gorilla glue?

Even so, I draw the line at darning socks.

Twenty years and counting

2006-12-12T23:35:00.000-08:00

A piece of mail arrived for me the other day. That envelope barely made it into the “read” pile and almost ended up in the “junk” pile. As it turned out, it was an invitation to my 20-year, high school reunion.

Ugh.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel about this, and even if I want to go.

Let’s see:

Pros:

It might be entertaining.
I lost touch with one friend about five years ago when he changed jobs. There’s a slim chance he might go to the reunion. (Rodney, if you’re reading this, just send me your email address and spare me the grief.)
I didn’t go to my 10-year reunion.

Cons:

Plane fare
Hotel fare
The reunion would eat several days.
I didn’t go to my 10-year reunion.
My husband and I already have three plane-required trips scheduled for 2007.

I went through the on-line class list and a few names sparked my memory. I remember my high school boyfriend, of course. My best friend in high school graduated in a different year, so she’s not on the list. I recognized a few other names on the list, but none of the names made my brain scream “Wow, it would be cool to see that person again.” For several people, however, my brain did scream “Wow, it would be nice to get a letter from them.”

The reunion invitation/flyer indicated that even if I did not attend the reunion, I could buy a “bio book.” The bio book has people’s pictures, contact information, and a very small amount of text on each person.

Yep, I think the bio book is the answer. I can write letters to the people I’m curious about; after all, those people probably only vaguely remember by name.

Basic website formats

2006-11-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

Almost all websites follow one of a few basic, simple designs and a few basic, simple rules.

Logos and Company Name

Almost always, the company’s logo is located on the top left section of the web page and the company’s name is located on the top right. We are used to looking at the top of a page first, and we read left to right, at least in the United States. Since most companies want to “brand” themselves to their logo and company name, it makes sense to put the logo and company name at the top of the page.

Amount of Content on a Page

The standard these days is for a web page to fit on a screen. Rarely do you see web sites these days where you must scroll down a lot to read the web page. This makes sense. Why? We live in a day and age of sound bytes. People like data that’s short, sweet, and to the point.

Templates

Many websites today are set up with templates. That is, there is a template page. Each and every page in the website is then based off of the template. There are several advantages to using templates. Firstly, if you make a change to the template, it automatically makes the change to every page in the website. Secondly, it helps maintain consistency in the website. Lastly, it reinforces logo and name branding.

Navigation Links

Most websites today have a bar of navigation links. The navigation bar might be at the top of the page, at the bottom, on the left, on the right, or a mixture of all of the above. Each navigation link leads to a different page in the website.

Formats

You might look at 100 different web pages and see 100 different designs, but there are really only a few different designs for web pages. The differences that you see are usually just in colors and graphics. There is only so much you can do in HTML, after all. The basic formats are shown (left).

Loads of fun for $7.60

2006-11-21T23:30:00.000-08:00

When I was just a wee little lass, full of health and joy, I liked to pretend I was an adult, and copied my elders just about any way I could.

When I was a toddler, I talked on my bright colored toy phones. I typed on my dad’s whirring Selectric. I pretended to read books like my dad, and I sure hope I did not pretend to smoke like my mother. I have a vivid memory of “driving” a grocery cart to the store with my children (baby kittens) in the “car.”

When I was a tween, I had a bikini swimsuit. I occasionally wore the swimsuit top under my clothes pretending it was a bra. Imitation is a form of learning, and I liked to learn.

One thing all adults seemed to have that I didn’t have as a child was a wallet with a lot of cards and papers in it. I saved my allowance a few times and bought a wallet. I loved filling out the blank identification cards and fake credit cards in the new wallets. It was great.

Well, the years moved by quickly it seems, and I have my own little girl and boy. My children are just like I was and all children are. They like to pretend. They like to pretend to be animals. My daughter’s fond of making her baby brother play “doggie” and she plays “human” and they play fetch together.

Watching my kids pretend play, I never forgot how much I enjoyed the wallet toy. When my kids were really little, I gave them old wallets of mine. I laminated wallet size pictures of friends, family, pictures of food, and articles of clothing. I gave them those “cards” and the wallets, and they seemed to enjoy the wallet toy. And, I got to use my laminator to boot!

When my daughter turned 5, she started carrying her purse around everywhere. I decided to do what I could to get her real cards. What could it hurt?

At the age of 5, the Broomfield Library allows kids to have their own library cards. (I do have it set up in my computer so I can check to see when her books are due. She is only five.)

The next card she acquired was her “driver’s license.” I asked her to put on her prettiest clothes and she picked out a nice dress. I combed her hair and put two pigtails in and made sure her face was clean. I dug up her Social Security card and her birth certificate and we went to the driver’s license bureau. She felt like a big girl as she signed her name, had her index finger print taken, and her picture taken. They had to get a stool out for her to stand upon since the camera wouldn’t adjust that low. Her “license” came in the mail about ten days later and she loved it. She put it in her wallet. She’s had it for six months and she hasn’t lost it yet.

My 3-year-old son is getting bigger and he wanted a driver’s license. So, I found a non-stained shirt for him to wear. (That was a big challenge since he’s all boy and I’m not so good with laundry.) I actually styled his hair and put product in it and some blue spike gel, so he had blue spiky hair and looked really cute. My son was not as well behaved waiting for his turn at the driver’s license bureau as his sister, but we made it through. He also enjoyed signing his name, having his finger photographed, and having me hold him up high for his photograph. He had a big grin on his face.

State IDs in Colorado are currently running $7.60, and the moment he lays eyes on it, it’ll be his heart’s delight.

Foaming soap

2006-11-21T23:28:00.000-08:00

Foaming soap is all the rage these days. It’s kind of cool to pump fluffy bubbles onto your hands to wash them, and since most of us equate clean with bubbles, it certainly seems like you’re getting cleaner. As an added benefit, you can refill your foaming soap containers with a mixture of soap and water and save money on soap. Less soap is released into the water system. It’s all good.

But is foaming soap any better than normal soap?

I tend to think foaming soap is better. Afterall, all those bubbles have surfaces and the increased surface area of the cleaning reagent seems to me that it’s greatly increased. I have a friend who swears by foaming soap and regularly brings me new kinds to try.

Again, is foaming soap any better than normal soap?

I read Science News frequently. In fact, it’s probably my favorite magazine. The magazine recently featured a little article on hand washing. I don’t remember the actual numbers, but it was something like washing your hands with waterless cleaners remove 50% of the germs on your hands while washing with straight water removes 95% of the germs. Washing with soap and water removes 99% of the germs.

If foaming soap removes another 0.5% (WAG) of germs than normal soap, the incremental advantage doesn’t seem that great.

I am going to stick with foaming soap. The refill cost and the idea that less soap is going into the water system makes it worthwhile to me.

Relaxed Parenting

2006-11-21T23:25:00.000-08:00

My kids are relatively self-entertaining. Some of the women in my MOMS Club® talk about how they have to sit down and play with their kids constantly, and their kids cannot seem to entertain themselves. My kids are not like this. These same mothers also have their kids in swim school, preschool, gymnastic school, and many other "schools." My kids are only in one structured class a week. The great difference in my laid back child raising philosophy and these other mothers' philosophies has occasionally caused me to think, "Am I a bad mother? Should I be teaching my kids how to read at the age of 3? Should I have them in more classes?" After a little worry, I'd stick with my original laid back attitude.

Einstein Never Used Flash Cards eradicated those small spells of guilt and worry. After reading this book I am confident in my mothering skills, and I actually think it is good for the kids that I don't entertain them. Now, don't get me wrong, I do play with my kids here and there; however, I don't play with them constantly. I think it's good that I don't have every hour of the day mapped out for my kids. The book reconfirmed this idea for me and backed it with research.

One section of the book brought an image into my head of my great grandmother, who lived on a farm, working in the kitchen while my grandpa sat on the floor. Great grandma Goldie didn't have a washing machine, so she had to put forth effort and sweat on a washboard. My mental image didn't have Goldie teaching baby Rex his ABCs whilst she worked. I doubt Goldie had the time to do that with my grandfather or his three brothers on the farm. And you know what? My grandfather is one sharp dude.

The best thing about this book is that it reaffirmed my parenting style and helped me feel confident with it. Also, when a "hyper-parent" gives me a dirty look, I can just tell them about Einstein Never Used Flash Cards.

How to create a strong password

2006-11-10T23:31:00.000-08:00

Strong passwords have a combination of lower and upper case letters, numbers or other symbols, and most importantly, they don’t make sense to anyone but the creator. The trick is to create strong passwords that can actually be remembered. I recommend a strategy rather than a password program.

Do not pick a word. Come up with a scheme that generates seemingly random letters. One favorite technique is to think of a song that you like. Recite the lyrics to the song. Lately, I have had Peter, Paul, and Mary’s The Marvelous Toy stuck in my head. The lyrics start like this: “When I Was Just A Wee Little Lad" (Poems, books, and quotes could also be used this way.)

Then choose the first, last, or every nth letter of each word. I tend to choose the first letter. Write those letters out: WIwjawll -That’s a good start of a password. There’s a couple of uppercase letters, a couple of lower case letters, and it doesn’t make any sense. It looks random.

Next, add some numbers or symbols to your password. One simple way to do this is to replace small l’s with number 1’s and e’s with 3’s, etcetera.

Another way to add numbers to your password is to come up with some numbers that mean something to you, but are not:

Your birthday
Your spouse’s birthday
Your children’s birthday
Your phone number
Your social security

What’s left after that? Well, there’s several numbers left over:

The address of the house you grew up in
Your dog’s birthday
Your great grandma’s age at death
The year your grandmother, mother, father, or grandfather were born
Your parent’s anniversary

Or, you could pick a short word and pick the numbers off a telephone. For example, dog is 364.

After you’ve picked your “random” letters and your “random” numbers, put them together.

So, I might have a password of WIwjawll364 or 364WIwjaw.

What makes these passwords strong?

They are not in a dictionary.
The words are not on the About section of your web page.
The words are not in any public records about you.
The possible combinations have gone up tremendously. Instead of your birthday (1 possible day), if you use a great grandparent’s birthday you have 8 possible combinations. If you use your anniversary, you have one number. If you use your grandparent’s anniversary, you have 2 possible numbers.

Strong passwords require CPU time to crack. Most hackers prefer easy-to-access accounts rather than having their computer chug away at it for hours.

Child safety and the Internet

2006-10-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

Twenty years ago I was 16 and starting college. One of the first things I did at college was to find the Internet, and it was great.

Chat rooms were newsgroups and to Instant Message someone you had to know a modicum of Unix.

My favorite newsgroup was sci.chem. The group was populated with Chemistry professors, Chemistry students, and industry professionals across world. Conversations ranged from hard core Chemistry to philosophical questions such as “If a chemical is synthesized but is indistinguishable from the natural version, does it matter? Should it be labeled differently in products?”

I developed mini-friendships with people I never met, never saw, and never talked to. I played online games with people I didn’t know; I only knew their alter egos and avatars. One of my favorite characters to play was Gabrielle, a Rodent Of Unusual Size who lived in a Fire Swamp (think Princess Bride).

I knew people who met over the Internet, got married. Some had kids; some divorced.

Was it dangerous? I mean, if I could profess to be a large rat were the people claiming to be teenage girls or college boys really 50-year-old men? Not really. Back then it wasn’t all that dangerous because to have Internet access you pretty much had to be a student, professor, government employee, work for a computer company, or live in a different country. I double majored in Computer Science just to keep my Internet access. It was a big deal.

But, it’s all changed. Now anyone and their dog Spot can have Internet access. My dog has a web page. I had my 3-year-old’s website up before I left the hospital. My dad uses the Internet regularly and sends his columns into the local paper without leaving home. My mom learned how to play Internet poker. My 70-year-old mother-in-law is an expert at printing out pictures of grandbabies and sending email to her sisters. Anyone can use the Internet now. It’s not just for nerds anymore. Most of you reading this probably don’t even know what Unix is.

Since the Internet has reached the general population, it is filled with the general population.

So, should you ban the ‘net in your house? I don’t think so. I still love the ‘net. I love it that when I’m talking with my husband or sister and one of us has an odd question like “What was Ronald Reagan’s first movie?” or “Who were the first 20 presidents of this country?” or “Do polar bears have carnassial teeth?” that I can walk over to my computer, type in a few words, and there’s the answer. It’s a lot easier than searching out encyclopedias or walking to the library. Oh, and one of the best things about the ‘net comes in handy when reading my father’s letters. My father is an erudite man with a large vocabulary who has caused me to repeatedly use Webster’s Online.

Should children be kept out of chat rooms and have their email screened? Well, I imagine that depends on the kid. If my biological children keep developing as they are, I don’t think my husband or I will monitor them too closely. They’ll know early on that if they can pretend to be a large rat that there’s no reason to believe that other person isn’t also pretending. We had a teenage foreign exchange student for a while, and I didn’t feel a need to monitor her ‘net usage. She was a smart cookie and she understood what was going on.

I also had a teenage foster child in my home. She was so desperate for companionship, love, and attention that I did not trust her on the Internet.

So, how did I try to protect the teenager who couldn’t protect herself?

All of the family’s computers are in the living room. This is the room we spend the most time in. She could not be on the computer without us being able to glance over at her screen.
I tried a net nanny program for a while. I didn’t even install it on all our computers. I hated it. It blocked too many sites that I found useful to me. Net nanny programs work well for some people, so they’re an option.
I noticed the teenager saved all her information in cookies and the like. What did that mean to me? I could log into any of her accounts and read her email and change settings. I distinctly remember putting any email for “hotornot.com” on a blacklist so she would never get it.
The teenager set up a myspace account, so I did also. I forced myself to play around on that site for a while to learn what it was about. This caused me to regularly check what she had on her site.
I had to learn some infernal acronyms. Fortunately for me, most of the ones from 20 years ago are still valid. However, there are a lot more of them now too.

Learn, learn, learn. I had to keep one step ahead of a kid determined to get herself hurt.

Here’s some websites to visit to help you learn, learn, learn.

http://www.NetLingo.com - This website defines a bunch of acronyms.
http://www.FamilyWatchdog.us and http://www.NationalAlertRegistry.com has lists of registered sex offenders. Which ones are living near you?
http://www.GetNetWise.org - Learn about various aspects of theInternet, including child protection
http://WiredSafety.org - This is a volunteer run charity that helps protect children from the Internet
http://www.MySpace.com - Does your child have a website or blog? It might be here.
http://www.google.com - Type in your kid’s name and search. If that doesn’t reveal anything, type in the names of your kid’s friends, one by one. You can also add city or state to the search if your child has a common name.
http://www.google.com/Top/Computers/Internet/Child_Safety/ - This is a list of child safety Internet sites.